My true intentions

There never seems to be any easy choices left. My catch 22 is my car crapped out again and I was quoted a cool $600 to bring her back to road worthy. The issue is that I don't exactly have that kind of cash just lying around, and the way I make my living is by selling merch (short for merchandise) at my shows. So here I sit, unable to fix my car and unable to get to my shows. Lucky for me, however, I have an uncle willing to let me borrow his car.

Problem solved you might say? Well, this solution comes with a catch. We had to combined our trips this week. So as I write this I'm sitting in his office. Kind of the way a child suspended from school has to accompany his or her guardian to their place of employment. Fortunately for me, I am very skilled in checking my pride and dignity at the door in the face of adversity. By applying a little Jared schmoozing directly to the boss man I had my own office and computer before lunch. (On which I am typing right now)(I used the old take over someone else's office resources without being on the payroll maneuver)(I have to stress that these are advanced techniques so please don't injure yourself trying them at home).

The audition I'm going out for today is in Huntington Beach. They had some strange requirements in order to audition though. For example, they wanted each auditionist (spell check says that's not a word but I beg to differ) to bring a minimum of two fans. Here's my issue with that. First off, I feel its unprofessional to bring fans to an audition. Not sure why, I just do. Secondly, and much more importantly, my fans have better things to do at 4 in the afternoon on a Tuesday. Like earning a paycheck perhaps. Not to mention, (if I can continue to vent) since its only an audition and not an actual show, I'm only playing one song. How arrogant is it for me to ask my fans to drop what they're doing and drive all that way just to hear me play one song. The longer I live the more I realize the world is run by pinheads.

Nevertheless, as foolish as this whole thing sounds, this is the music game. Play every opportunity no matter what. You never know who's watching or where it will lead. So having said that, I plan on waltzing into this audition, giving everyone the finger (in my mind of course), and proving once again why I'm a pro.

On a different note, I had a conversation with a close friend about my latest strategy to get people out to my shows. I put up a profile on plentyoffish.com and target girls in the towns where I play. Under the guise of dating I invite as many of them as possible out to my shows. Knowing full well that where the girls go, the men will follow.

Now she said there was a chance that this strategy could blow up in my face. I personally can't see how that would happen and even if it did, I can't see how it would be a bad thing. At the very worst it would create a buzz. Still, on the off chance that this swings horribly off kilter, I have a plan. In the interest of full discloser, I linked my blog to my dating profile with the title "my true intentions" written on the link. This disabuses me of all liability. A little due diligence and these girls will have no misconceptions of who they are dealing with.

Imagine if I used my powers for good...